Dreamin’ Big

Throughout Elementary school and High School I was average or below average at times with my school work, sports, I was weird, the outcast, and hated it. My teachers did not expect much of me, because that is what I showed them. I did not expect much of myself at the same time, I would daydream about the future but that was up until my high school graduation. I had no dreams and hopes for the future, no expectations, a blank slate is how I saw it. The upcoming days of my high school graduation hit me hard, everyone had applied for college and accepted, but me. I did not do well to get into a good school, I was worried about the financial burden I would have and I half-assed all my applications. Some were half-completed, well most. So I applied for County College.

It wasn’t until college that I wanted to make a change, I tried so hard, countless hours were put into studying, even though I was not the best student I gave it my all and I knew that. I had professors who believed in me and loved having me in their course, it wasn’t until one of my psychology professors personally asked me to be apart of the newsletter for the school that changed my perspective on how I can let my voice be heard and help others at the same time. She told us that she personally picks people to join, so I felt amazing that I was one of the people worthy enough to be chosen. I knew I could collect my thoughts better when writing, rather than speaking. It was a great opportunity and I am very thankful. But then it ended, and I was stuck with no motivation to write and follow a path that I enjoyed. I began to settle.

Flash forward, I was reading a book called The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. By far, one of my favorite books I’ve ever picked up. The message was, we get these ‘urges’ to follow our dreams at a young age. If we follow the path that’s speaking to us the urges get stronger and more encouraging, but some of us settle for less and those ‘urges’ are pushed to the back of our minds until they’re dust in the wind. It was a weird time in my life, I was trying to move forward from a terrible break up and I was seeing someone new. I had this constant urge to travel the country. I wanted to take a road trip but didn’t know how to go about it so I took off from work for a month to go, I originally planned to go myself until the guy I was talking to (now my boyfriend) said he would take the journey with me. We got a joint credit card and just did it, and it was so fulfilling. Now, I do want to go again and so does he, but those ‘urges’ became quieter but it was because I followed my path and will continue to.

More recently, I kept having this overwhelming urge to continue writing, but make a difference with my writing, and help other’s out. I know this journey is going to be difficult but I am on board for the ride to do what I can to make this happen.

I know this is long, but I am almost finished, I promise! What I wanted to get across to my readers is that if you have the same gut-wrenching urge to do something, do everything in your power to accomplish it. Your body is speaking to you and you just have to listen. You may have to give up everything you have, like current job or relationship but if it’s something standing in your way preventing your dreams from happening, it’s worth it and you’re worth it. The world is ready to see what you have to offer because you are so unique. Don’t forget, the road will be bumpy at times but the outcome is so much larger than your current struggles, so keep on keepin’ on. If you can reply to this, share something you want to do, and I’m talking about the kind of thing that makes your heart race with excitement and fills your stomach with butterflies.

College’s done, what next?

Recently, I just graduated from college with my Bachelor’s in Psychology, going in to the whole college thing I knew that I wanted to help other people and Psych was my best option. I could learn about myself and why I do the things I do and the same for others. I always found it fascinating. Now, that I graduated, I’ve learned that I do not want to be a therapist but I still have this urge to help people. But I convinced myself that I had no idea what I really wanted to do with my degree.

I kept ignoring these “urges,” they would hit me dead in the face but I would push it off. I still very much wanted to help people but didn’t know how. With a BA in Psych you won’t get very far in the job field so I’ve thought multiple times about getting my Masters in something different, just didn’t know what.

My friend let me borrow her book, I Am That Girl by Alexis Jones, it is a woman who empowers other women to believe in themselves and their dreams. It’s amazing, if you get the chance to read it, you should. But it has helped me find my voice and my dream. My dream is so empower others, just like she did, but how? I don’t want to write a book because my chapters would be all over the place, not a therapist, and it dawned on me WORD PRESS. DUH. I paid for the sight I might as well use it to my advantage. Today is the day I am going to make my private entries present and I will begin to write about the day to day events that have impacted me and try to see the good or give myself advice. That way, the reader who could be going through something similar can benefit as well.

My next post will be about my struggles finding out what I wanted to do.